Where is my normal?

I can't seem to get back to normal. I cry every time I see a pregnant belly and they are everywhere. I hate when people tell me it happened for a reason or you can try again, your strong. I'm not as strong as they think I am because I can't stand the sight of a pregnant lady. I know that people are only trying to make me feel better but you don't tell a grieving mother that it happened for a reason. My children are supposed to outlive me not me outlive them. My baby didn't even get a chance at life so don't go telling me it happend for a reason. I don't believe that. I'm so mad at my body for failing me and mad at myself for not knowing my baby was in trouble. How can a mother not know there is something wrong with their baby? I can't bring myself to take the baby stuff I have bought back because I have hope that I will have a live baby again. I love you and miss you so much angel that my heart hurts everyday. I know you are having a blast up there with your grandpa and other family members but mommy is hurting down here. I wish you were in my belly kicking and moving so I can feel it. There is a whole in my heart for you angel and it will always be there. I can't believe it has been two weeks since I had to say goodbye. I didn't want to say goodbye, I wanted to say hello in October. Mommy needs you to help me heal angel. You will always be missed and loved. Rest in peace my angel. Mommy loves and misses you.