To my angel,
I know that memorial day is supposed to be for our veterans but I can't help missing and thinking about you on this day. I love and miss u everyday my angel. There isn't a minute that doesn't go by that your not on my mind. I wish you were still in my belly, kicking and moving around so I can feel you. I still can't deal with seeing pregnant ladies and wish I was joining them. It hurts baby. I didn't think losing someone that I never got to meet but loved so much would hurt but it does. I dream about the person you would have become and how proud of you I would have been. I'm proud of you now, I just wish that I would have you to show off in October. I know you are having a good time up there my angel. Mommy loves you and misses you.
Your mommy
Monday, May 28, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
What does a mother say?
When I took the carseat/stroller back to Walmart today, I couldn't find the words to say why I was returning it. All I could think about was that I shouldn't be returning it, I should be using it in October but all I could say was I don't want to return it, I'd rather use it in October. Returning it means that the whole thing is real and I won't be bringing a baby home in October. It took me six weeks after the d and c to return it because I didn't want to face it or the reality of it. All I could do was cry because it meant that my baby really has gone to heaven instead of in my belly and then arms when it was time. How can a mother that loves her baby return an item that was supposed to be for that baby feel anything but grief and sad? The only thing I didn't return that I have bought was bottles and receiving blanket and of course the baby book. I knew I couldn't part with everything, I needed a little bit of hope that I will be able to use the bottles and receiving blankets. I love you and miss you my angel. I wish you were in my tummy kicking me instead of in heaven watching over me. It was hard to return your carseat/stroller today but mommy made it through. I'm sure your having fun and being spoiled up there. I love and miss you my angel.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Mothers day 2012
Dear Mr. Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven,and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought,I saw every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories are our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr.Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way to remind her of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr.Hallmark, I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.
To my angel, I love and miss you everyday. Look down on me from time to time.
Your mommy
I am writing to you from heaven,and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought,I saw every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories are our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr.Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way to remind her of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr.Hallmark, I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.
To my angel, I love and miss you everyday. Look down on me from time to time.
Your mommy
Thursday, May 3, 2012
one month
To my precious angel in heaven,
I can't believe it has been one month since I learned that you passed inside me. I wish I was still pregnant with you and feeling you move and kick. I miss you and love you my angel. There isn't a minute that goes by that I don't think about you. I think about what it would have been like to have you in October and see if you would have been a boy or girl. I think about what type of person you would have become because I know I would have been proud of whatever you picked. Today was hard because it doenst feel like it should be a month when I heard the five most awful words any mother should have to hear. I hated seeing all the pregnant bellies today and there was alot. It seemed like everyone was flauting their bellies in my face and it hurt so much my angel. I don't know what you are doing up there but I'm sure your having a blast with all of the family members up there. Give them my love and remember baby I love and miss you. I wish I was meeting you alive and healthy in October but apparently God needed you more than I did. I don't agree with it but I'm glad he gave me an angel to watch over me. There will always been a hole in my heart for you. I love and miss you my angel.
Your mommy
I can't believe it has been one month since I learned that you passed inside me. I wish I was still pregnant with you and feeling you move and kick. I miss you and love you my angel. There isn't a minute that goes by that I don't think about you. I think about what it would have been like to have you in October and see if you would have been a boy or girl. I think about what type of person you would have become because I know I would have been proud of whatever you picked. Today was hard because it doenst feel like it should be a month when I heard the five most awful words any mother should have to hear. I hated seeing all the pregnant bellies today and there was alot. It seemed like everyone was flauting their bellies in my face and it hurt so much my angel. I don't know what you are doing up there but I'm sure your having a blast with all of the family members up there. Give them my love and remember baby I love and miss you. I wish I was meeting you alive and healthy in October but apparently God needed you more than I did. I don't agree with it but I'm glad he gave me an angel to watch over me. There will always been a hole in my heart for you. I love and miss you my angel.
Your mommy
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